I feel like I don’t know where to start. I have so much to say and I just want to blurt everything out. Most of it I want to blurt out of order. I think this is why I am a better writer than a speaker.
In May 2019, I applied for a Legacy Retreat with Inheritance of Hope. I had heard about this nonprofit from one of my MBC support groups on Facebook. I actually started my application process in April. It took me a very long time to work on one of their requirements: writing letters to my family. I kept putting it off. I couldn’t seem to come up with the words. I will need to do them over. I will speak more on this later.
In July 2019, I got a call from Heidi on our way back from Seattle. She asked me a few questions and gave me a lot of information about what the retreat would entail. I had decided on the 2020 February Orlando one and was happy to find out that was the one for people with metastatic breast cancer.
We would meet in support groups everyday. Patients and caregivers, kids according to their ages. We would not just be dropped off at the theme parks and left to our own devices. Volunteers would be with us to help with kids, carry items, and so on. Main meals would be provided. Flight tickets and hotel fees would be taken care of.
I was a sobbing mess by the time I hung up the phone. It was so much more than I had expected.
February took forever to get here.
We arrived in Orlando on January 30. Our hotel would not be ready for us until January 31, so IOH put us in another hotel for the night. We were super exhausted and hungry. We ordered Applebee’s through Doordash. It was pretty awful. I knew the fries probably wouldn’t be great, but we were missing two orders of fries. Sol’s burger was missing its top bun. I’m not sure how that happens.
The kids were pretty happy to just go to sleep.
In the morning, after breakfast, our volunteers came to get us. There were a lot more of us staying in the hotel than I had guessed. We all boarded a bus. The volunteers put our luggage in the storage area. They were serious about making us let them help.
We took a little bit of time to settle in. Gabriel left with Rob, one of our volunteers, to buy swimming suits for the boys. Rob took the boys swimming and I just had to relax in a giant hammock. The boys had a blast.
The boys, including Gabriel, got to check out the hotel arcade. I think I took Max at that time to get a snack in the hotel Starbucks. We were both a bit peckish.
At around 3:00, we went back to the room to prepare for our family photo session.
I always kind of dread family pictures. My boys are wild and embrace that wildness. To the point that a lot of pictures are blurry. Jesse once had to get dental x-rays 5 times because his x-rays were blurry. It’s kind of an issue. I deal with it by reminding myself that the imperfect pictures are really the perfect pictures for us. I love those pictures more. I also love to laugh about them.
Our photographer was incredibly patient. We did a lot of walking around the pool and garden area. It was lovely. We had fun and managed to get a lot of really nice pictures. I also got a lot of pictures of my boys playing. One is evidence of Sol booping Sam on the nose. Caught ya, Bubba.
At 4:30, we were introduced to our Sessions. Gabe and I were in our own group, Sol was in the 14+, Sam and Jesse were in the same group, and Max was with the preschoolers.
I didn’t know what to expect. I had never been in a group with this many MBC patients. I figured we would discuss ourselves and it would be pretty light. Nope. I was near the end of the introductions and was already emotional from hearing the stories of the other moms and caregivers. I hate crying and I hate crying in front of other people. I just couldn’t hold it in.
The deluge was something I needed. I haven’t allowed myself many moments of crying in anger or fear or sadness. I felt like I needed to be strong, put on a good face, show my kids and the world that I am okay. I let out 3 1/2 years worth of tears in front of strangers. Probably because they intimately understood the frustrations I felt. I wasn’t happy about the tears, but I felt much better for it.
My mom had arrived by the time we were out of our sessions. I was not able to set up a lot of the same things for her that had been set up for me. Our dinner, for instance. She didn’t mind. Dinner was loud and busy.
At 6:30, we went to the fanciest, most casual, formal dinner ever. On my way into the ballroom/dining room, I mentioned to a volunteer that I was feeling really chilly. Less than 10 minutes after I sat down, I was draped in a blanket. These people don’t mess around.
We ate a four course meal, all of it delicious. We were introduced to people involved in creating our retreat. Elsa, Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, and Buzz Lightyear made appearances. We made jewelry with the Kendra Scott people and got a few freebies from the Dillards folks.
Jesse and Max had a blast dancing to the music. The little kids didn’t eat much of their food. There were so many distractions. I couldn’t complain. I knew how they felt.
Our first day on the Legacy Retreat had been practically nonstop and filled to the brim with activities. We left the ballroom maybe a touch early, but none of the kids complained about leaving. I was pretty thankful Nana Jan was there to help get the kids in bed. It didn’t take a lot, really. They collapsed and slept well.