Fox and Broom

A mom's adventures in keeping healthy, keeping her sanity, and making stuff.

Archive for the month “March, 2020”

Snake Oil

On February 12, I had an unusual experience. I had been set up with an appointment to meet with a lady who had helped one of our handymen with cancer. I figured it was not a terrible idea to check it out. If anything, maybe I could add foods to my diet or other advice.

Disclaimer: Before I get comments telling me to beware supplements that could harm my chemo process, I am well aware of that and I research all herbs and supplements before trying them. For other chemo patients, one of my best resources has been the Sloan Kettering app “About Herbs.”

I listened to this lady, let’s call her “X,” for nearly four hours. I should have left within the first ten minutes. I know some people are all for this, but if I go with any sort of naturopathic help, I want someone who will treat me with respect and who is actually knowledgeable about cancer. More on that later.

She mostly spoke about herself and her accomplishments. X had created the cure for malaria, Parkinson’s, Ebola, and saved the Tri-Cities from Ebola by stopping it in Yakima. She will be creating the cure for Coronavirus. She expects to be killed by the government for her coronavirus cure.

Oh yeah. This post absolutely requires memes.

Mexico loved her and wanted her to stay. She had saved a billionaire and his son in Idaho. He offered her something like a million dollars to go on TV to discuss her treatments. She declined Mexico and the Idaho rich man. After all, she is not in this to make money.

X explained the origins of some of today’s diseases. Parkinson’s was created by the Italians, along with the cure. Canada created multiple sclerosis. The United States is spreading cancer via chickens and eggs.

Tyson started injecting things into their chickens that causes cancer. As a company, they are super secretive about what they do to their chicken. However, most companies are secretive about their processes.

Tyson collaborated with McDonald’s to spread their cancer-causing chicken meat. These agents travel from the hens to the eggs, making eggs a carrier and the new chicks are contaminated. Therefore, all chickens and eggs are bad. Just handling chicken meat would allow the cancer-causing salmonella to break the skin barrier and enter the body. Sorry to my chicken peeps.

I would like to point out that that is not how salmonella or skin work. Skin is our barrier to bad things. One should absolutely wash one’s hands before, during, and definitely after handling any raw meat or eggs. Salmonella can make you very sick if you eat raw eggs or meat or if you were to use your hands to eat food without washing them or rub your face without washing your hands. Good hygiene is important.

Salmonella does not contain DMSO or other skin absorbing agents.

Her statements about eggs and chickens were undermined by the fact that her houseplants all had eggshells in the pots.

She went on to speak about fellow researchers who had been killed by various governments. Mostly for cures, one for cleaning a river.

She spoke about going to Guatemala to help people. This is admirable. I can get behind helping those who are struggling. It’s really the only admirable thing about this whole experience.

After about 2.5 hours of hearing of her accomplishments, research on chickens, and murders, she finally turned her attention to me.

“What type of cancer do you have?”

“Metastatic breast cancer, stage IV.”

“Oh! That is fine. I have cured people with stage V breast cancer.”

There is no stage V breast cancer. For a researcher, she was lacking a lot of very basic knowledge. This comment infuriated me. I am at the end of the breast cancer spectrum. I do not like to be taken lightly.

X went on to explain how cancer starts in the body. “Cancer always starts in the brain. It then goes to the breast. It is a virus.”

Wait. What?

So, admittedly, there is a lot that is unknown about cancer. Why it starts, for instance. There are a lot of thoughts: diet (chickens!!!!), environment, exposure to poisons and radiation, and more. Some of these have been proven as true.

What is not true is that comment on cancer starting in the brain. If it were, everyone with cancer would have metastatic brain cancer. My cancer started in my breast. Cancer is not a virus. Cancer cells are mutated cells. In my case, it mutated my breast cells. Those cancer cells then spread to my bones.

X insistently tells me, “The cancer virus then goes into your lymph nodes and can spread from there.” This was actually a true statement. She takes out a crystal to figure out where my cancer is in my breast. I was too dumbfounded by this point to tell her that my cancer was no longer in my breast. She made her own assumptions and was too intent on running with them.

“Ah! It is here and here.” She pointed to both sides of my left breast. Now, I had told her earlier that my cancer had started in my left breast and was not in my right breast. It wasn’t like she had to look too hard.

“And you did not have a mastectomy! Very good for you.” I decided not to tell her that a mastectomy would have been no help for me.

“I will now use energy to see your cancer better. This energy comes from God. I am not an evil witch.” Ok. So most of you know that I like crystals and energy. Multiple religions use them. Also, witches are neither good nor evil, just people.

“Oh. Your cancer has started to spread to your lymph nodes from your breast. It is very good at this moment, but it must be taken care of. However, your liver is not very good.” My cancer skipped right over the lymph nodes and went straight to my bones. The lymphs are clear, apart from the edema on my right side and that is just fluid that has started to drain to my heart to be filtered out. I had to learn how to massage that out – but that is a story for another day. She was actually spot on about my liver. My last treatment had failed miserably and I had many tumors on my liver. My new treatment seems to be working very well and I have high hopes that my next CT scan will show a prettier liver.

“I can get rid of your cancer and I have a cleanse that will help your liver.” I realized that she thought I had poisoned my liver with some heavy partying or something along those lines. It couldn’t be from my cancer that is “not that bad.”

“I will give you some instructions and you must follow them or it will not work. Are you willing to give up chemo to start my treatment?”

Me: “No. I am not willing to stop my chemo.” She was actually taken aback by my response. She had really thought I would do this. I guess she had spent a lot of time telling me why doctors are bad and maybe expected me to just be shepherded into her program. “Why do you think this chemo is working for you? You have said you have been on seven different chemos, why would you think it is working?” I told her that my labs tell me it is working. X responded, “What about scans? What would your scans say?” I told her that I had just had three sessions with my new treatment and was not ready for scans at this time.

She started to talk to my mother-in-law, B, instead of me. As if B could make me ditch the poison that is keeping me alive. She already made it clear that she thought I was stupid, now she was becoming downright disrespectful. She talked to B about her treatments that she would still give me copies of. However, I should not do them until my chemo treatments are done. “How many more treatments do you have with this chemo?” “Until it stops working.”

She was so frustrated by this point. She really does not have any true understanding of MBC. “Why have you been in treatments so long? Why are you on this chemo that has no end?” I was just quiet. She wouldn’t really listen to me, anyway. She was a “great researcher,” after all. I was a nobody who didn’t understand my own illness.

She gave me papers on her treatment. Yes, she treats all cancers in the same manner. Because all cancer starts in the brain, therefore it can all be treated in the same manner. I was to begin a vegan diet with all organic fruits and vegetables. For my liver, I was to fast for two days and use a cleanse made with distilled water and lots of lemons. Then do a coffee enema. This would also make me poop out the chemo and the cancer.

For anyone who might not know, I suffered from cancer-induced anorexia. It took a long time to get my eating back in order. I am not going to fast anytime soon. I don’t eat a lot of meat, but I depend on eggs and cheese for protein, especially in the morning. I will make vegan and vegetarian dinners, but I have no intention of becoming either. I have enough issues with not being able to taste food that I am not willing to give up the things that I can taste.

Coffee will never go up my ass. If you do the enemas, I don’t really care. I won’t.

We thanked her and left. After four hours. Poor B was so chilled that her Reynaud’s had turned her fingers purple. I told her she should have mentioned something and we could have left earlier. It was a relief to both of us to skedaddle.

The next day, she sent a text to my father-in-law, J. “I am so sorry that your daughter is not willing to stop the chemo that is poisoning her.” It was a very long text about my mistakes in believing and liking my oncologist, how I was being swindled into thinking the poison would save me, yet I had been on 7 chemos and none of them had worked. I should explain that I had said I had been on about 7 treatments, not all were chemo. She just didn’t listen to it.

I had realized as she was talking to me that she was displaying narcissistic tendencies with manipulative speaking. Speaking to my in-laws instead of to me really brought that into the light. She wanted them to believe her program would be better and she seemed to think they could convince me. I have my own mind and my own ideas. I have also done way more research on my own cancer than she has done on cancer at all.

I really was hoping for some decent alternative ideas that I could do along with my chemo. This was the most disappointing 4 hour experience of my life. At least I can tell stories of the Crazy Chicken Lady.

2020 February Legacy Retreat: In Memoriam

One of the hard parts of meeting people with a disease such as Stage IV Breast Cancer, is death. Thirty-one families were served at my retreat. Four of my sisters have passed since the Retreat. Gabriel has had a hard time with this. I told him it never gets easier.

Cassie Newman, February 16

Leah McDonald, February 21

Andrea Burch, February 22

Crystal Baird, March 4

I am so thankful that their families have the memories from this Retreat.

Fuck cancer.

Addition:

Erin Leland, March 30

The Legacy Retreat Part V

This was our extra day. We had breakfast. Max enjoyed cutting his grapes and watermelon.

We had taken the option to stay an extra day so we could go to Disney Hollywood Studios and fly the Millennium Falcon. It really was the only reason I wanted to go to that park, but we had a lot of fun. My brother met up with us and it was a laid back, easy day.

I wish I had gotten more videos of the storm troopers. If they saw a kid dressed as Kylo Ren or Darth Vader, they would call them Supreme Leader or Lord and ask them to come with them. I have no idea where they went.

If they came across someone dressed in a brown robe, they would halt them and ask for identification. It was pretty funny.

We flew the Falcon. It was everything I thought it would be. Jesse and I were pilots. Max and Sam were gunners. Two strangers were engineers. Max was not a very good gunner. He didn’t want to push the buttons for the first time in his life.

We had lunch in the Star Wars area. I had some sort of amazing falafel thing. I wish I could remember the name of the restaurant. We just kind of followed our noses.

Star Wars was just kind of everywhere. Even a little bit outside of the park. We went to the Indiana Jones show afterwards. It was so much fun. Even Max was captivated.

Admittedly, we didn’t go on a lot of rides or see many of the other shows. We didn’t stay for very long either. We were pretty exhausted from a very busy weekend. Ted, my brother, was okay with that as he had to drive back to Jacksonville that evening. Leaving early was a good thing.

While waiting for our Lyft driver, I managed to get a pretty nice picture of the sunset.

Jesse just couldn’t stand up any longer.

We left early the next day. It was a fantastic adventure, but we were happy to get home.

The Legacy Retreat Part IV

February 3rd started with that amazing breakfast. Sam, Jesse, and Max were taken to their sessions. Gabriel, Sol, and I were sent to a large room for the final meeting.

You know it might be a hard meeting when you see tissue boxes every 3rd chair.

I am trying to remember this from memory, so it might be out of order. Jill, a volunteer and a coordinator, spoke to us about the legacy of Inheritance of Hope. How the effects continue afterwards. I know that I will forever be thankful to my volunteers. Rob, Anna, and Emily will always be important to me and my family. Gabriel and Solomon plan to be volunteers at future Retreats. I couldn’t be more proud. This is how the legacy continues; families are served then choose to serve other families. I think it is a beautiful way to pay it forward.

Deric Milligan took the stand after Jill. The 14+ kids were sent to their own groups. This was where the tissues really came into play. He spoke of the creation of Inheritance of Hope. He spoke of the families it has affected, including his own. His wife, Kristen, passed away in 2012. Three months before her passing, she had created a video message for all of the people being served by IoH. She was not able to make it to the Retreat that was happening at that time and her video was meant for those folks, with words of encouragement. I believe it is now shown at all Retreats. If you wish to see it, it can be found here.

The final meeting was hard and beautiful.

Our volunteers gave us a gift of a photo book and a very large stack of pictures. It was such an unexpected thing and I couldn’t hold back more tears.

We were supposed to go to SeaWorld, but made the decision to go back to Universal. Our tickets and Goldpass were good for a second day. Why not?

With the rough morning, Gabriel bought the whole family lots of candy at the first candy store we came to. We had jellybeans for weeks. We went on rides we hadn’t made it to the day before, as well as a few rides we had ridden, and just thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

Mardi Gras was happening at Universal. We managed to see a little bit of the parade as we were leaving. People were dressed in amazing costumes all day.

We were too tired to try to find a place to eat, so we just made PB& J sandwiches for the little guys and PB & banana sandwiches for Gabriel, Sol, and myself. It was a good ending to our day.

The Legacy Retreat Part III

February 2nd was a full day. Lots of laughter, love, sadness, grief, and healing. This day is what makes Inheritance of Hope what it is.

We woke up early to indulge in the tasty buffet. My mom went to church while we went to our sessions. She waited on us to be done before she drove home. Rob had managed to put together a picture of her and I in a frame to give to her. She’d had a fun time with us, but had some work waiting for her and she had no interest in going to Universal Studios.

I won’t discuss the sessions, but I will tell you that I brought up Camp Kesem. If you are unfamiliar with this organization, please look it up. Especially if you, a family member, or a friend has kid(s) and has been affected by cancer. My older kids will be going for their fourth year this summer. My kids always come back happier and more confident.

The kids threw eggs in their sessions.

I am pretty sure Max just threw eggs to throw eggs.
Jesse definitely just wanted to throw eggs.
Sol got some satisfaction in throwing the eggs.

They were to write something on the egg that scared them and throw it as hard as they could. If it weren’t so messy, this would be a great stress reliever in general. We might do this or something similar every once in a while at home.

To make it quick, we got on the bus, got our lunches, and landed at Universal Studios. It was super sunny and perfect for a fun time outside. What I have not mentioned previously is that Gabriel and I were going to be leaving the park at around 4. The boys were staying with our volunteers to play until they dropped. Or until 10.

Obligatory dorky family photo. Laugh all you want, it was fun.

IOH gave us a Gold Pass. I had no idea such a creature existed. This wasn’t even in the realm of a Fastpass. It was something different. We would stroll up to the person checking Fastpasses, show them the Gold Pass, and they would call an escort for us. Ho-ly cow. We were usually led to a door and taken to the ride through back hallways, allowing us to go ahead of the Fastpass and regular passes.

We went on Minions and Transformers. Max LOVED Transformers. We spent some time in Diagon Alley, then a lot more time in Hogsmeade. Jesse got his wand. We rode Escape From Gringott’s and went on Hagrid’s motorcycle ride twice. That ride is awwwwwwwesome. Poor Sam hit his head pretty hard while riding on it and was no longer so enthused about it.

I am laughing because Megatron moved and Gabriel jumped. I told him I would protect him from Megatron.
The sidecar was fun, but I prefer being on the motorbike.

Gabe, Max, and I went back to the hotel. Max was so worn out that he fell asleep on the bus. When we took him to the toddler area, they put a pillow down for him. He woke up enough to see the pillow and ran to it. For a little monster, he can be so cute. I suspect it is his survival mechanism.

Gabriel and I were scheduled for 4 things. The first item on our list was a visit with a counselor. This sounds like a weird start to a date night, but it helped clear the air. I am not so good at expressing myself. I hold my thoughts to myself as if they are precious stones. It’s kind of a Scorpio thing, I guess. I let Gabe take some of those stones and I left feeling lighter and he seemed happier that I had let him take some of the load.

We separated to get pampered. He got a massage and a new shirt. I had my makeup done, picked out some Kendra Scott pretties, and new clothes from Dillard’s. My makeup had taken up more time than it should have, so we were rushed to our next appointment.

The Legacy Video.

This is probably the most important thing that came from the retreat. I wasn’t sure I would be able to do this. I was afraid that it would just be 10 minutes of me weeping. This is the hardest thing in the world. I made a video, with Gabriel, for my family. It is a visual and auditory reminder of me: my face, my voice, my personality. It is something for my family to hold on to after I have left this plane of existence.

I got the courage to do it from our volunteers, many of whom had been served on previous retreats. I got the courage from videos of the children of parents who had passed. I got the courage from people who spoke about how much it meant to them to have something like this as a reminder of a loved one.

So I just started talking. I pulled up memories. Gabriel has been a part of my life for so long that he was able to talk about the same memories with me. The talking became easier and the anxiety just disappeared. I told my boys silly stories about things I had done. I told them about silly things they had done. I told them how proud I am of all of them. How so very talented each one is in his own way.

My heart felt so good after we had finished. I knew that I would have to rewrite the letters that I had originally written in my IoH application. I will have to write more than one letter to each person. It was an inspiring experience.

We were then sent to Bonefish Grill for our date. We shared our table with two other couples. We had good conversations and good food.

We met up with our kids when we got back to the hotel. I was worried that Max would be too refreshed to sleep, but he was ready for a full night’s sleep. The boys had had a lot of fun playing around at Universal. They had spent most of their time casting spells in Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley. They were totally satisfied with the day. Our poor volunteers look exhausted.

Someone once told me to learn something new everyday. I learned many new things on this day. It was a good day.

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