I’ve mostly been ignoring the swashes of pink that are everywhere in October. I’m still feeling enough anger that I am kind of hating the constant barrage of reminders that my life has been taken over by my cancer.
I figured I would use my obligatory “Pinktober” post to remind people to check for cancer and check often, AND be your own advocate if you think something is wrong. I found a lump in my breast around May of 2015. I had just stopped breastfeeding my third boy in March and I thought it was a build-up of leftover milk. I had also just found out around that time that I was pregnant with baby #4. It seemed like a lot of things could have added to the lump. So I ignored it.
I saw my midwife at 12 weeks pregnant and I mentioned it to her. The lump had also grown by this time. She had me come in for a thermography test. This test measures your body’s temperature in certain areas. It is pretty fascinating, though not super thorough. I also decided at that time to set an appointment with an Ob Gyn.
My Ob gave me a referral to have an ultrasound done on my breast. Because I was pregnant, I was not able to have a mammogram or any sort of scan that contained radiation or harmful rays. The results came back as a “fluid filled cyst.” I was told by the Ob to have it rechecked after my pregnancy, but she was sending me to the surgeon to have him look at it. She was pretty sure it would just go away on its own.
The surgeon took a look at my ultrasound and the actual lump. He said he didn’t think a biopsy was necessary. “The lump is a fluid filled cyst and will go away on its own.” His wife got them and they always went away.
My midwife was not so sure it was a fluid filled cyst, but she didn’t push the issue.
My pregnancy continued and the lump stayed put. My pregnancy became increasingly difficult and resulted in a pretty traumatic birth. I completely forgot to get that “fluid filled cyst” checked out with my recovery. It DID seem to shrink after I started breastfeeding Max. At least it became softer. I put thoughts of it on the back burner. During March and April I was feeling great and even jogging 2 miles once or twice a week. I had hired a trainer and was feeling pretty healthy.
Then May came. And everything started falling apart. I thought it was a pulled muscle in my back. Except it didn’t get better. And it kept hurting for three months. I started losing weight.
I actually freaking documented how my cancer started with my own blog.
In any case. Get checked. If you think something is not quite right, ASK for a biopsy. At worst, your suspicions will be right. At best, it will be negative. And you can sigh a breath of relief. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for me.
Even if you do not have a lump, ask about getting a mammogram before you are 40. Yeah, they suck (well, they squish). However, I have gotten to know more and more women under the age of 40 who are being diagnosed with breast cancer. A lot of them have been blown off by their doctors who can’t believe they have cancer. “You are too young and healthy.” Even after my diagnosis, the doctor who did my breast biopsy* told me that everything looked really good and he was sure that I did not have cancer. I looked at him and told him that I had been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer that had spread to my bones. He gave me what I have started to think of as the “doctor grief” look. Every doctor who has worked with me has given me that look at some point. It turns out that my case had been presented to a local cancer meeting and he had read about me that morning. He just didn’t realize that case and me were connected.
*I had a breast biopsy done after my diagnosis to determine if I had the HER2 cancer marker. I do not have the HER2 marker.
So, now I am on a shitload of medications all in an attempt to keep my cancer in check and my pain at a minimum. I even have some medications that help me to want to eat (I include marijuana edibles in this category). My goals in life have become more important than ever to me. I have them separated into two groups. “Local goals” that I can easily work toward and “Longer Goals” that I either have to save up for or work on keeping my cancer under control to see those goals happen. I have already met one of my local goals and can change it slightly: I gained weight to a goal weight. Now my goal is to maintain that weight.
A little about my picture: I had radiation therapy on my skull. The dose finally affected portions of my hair and it started to come out in clumps. Rather than dealing with hair shedding all over the house, I shaved it off. This picture was taken on October 7, the day after I shaved it all off. Due to the amount of radiation dose I received, my head still looks like this. 20 days later. My husband (who is a physicist) has told me that it could take a few months for my hair to start growing again. In the meantime, I do get to wear some fun hats and fun earrings.
For the moment, I am still doing good with my current treatment plan. I am working on getting off of a few of my meds, which would be very nice. Some of the side effects are doozies. My blood also seems to be holding its own for a bit longer. I did have a transfusion yesterday, but it had been a few weeks since my last one. It is an improvement over getting blood every other week. I had my bone-strengthening treatment on Monday and did not have the extreme reaction that I had the first time. I was a little achy, but was able to walk on my own.
I am going to the gym once a week to work on my legs and core with the cycles and my arms with the arm pedals. I am starting slow with the exercise. If my appointments allow for it, I hope to start going to the gym twice a week. It is nice to feel like I can live an almost normal life.