I am still here. Two years ago, August 25, 2016, I received the hardest news. I had breast cancer and it has spread to my bones. In a way, I was a little relieved. The pain and weakness I was experiencing was not in my imagination. On the other hand, I was furious. I am still furious.
I ended my two years with a final dose of AC chemo on Friday and I will be making some of my favorite meals before the mouth sores hit. Friday will be French bread pizzas and Saturday will be one of my favorite Indian meals, potatoes and onions on dosas.
This past year has had its ups and downs, as every year should. I was so disappointed in my hormone therapies failing and so very nervous about starting chemo. I requested the most aggressive chemo treatment I could get and I have responded pretty favorably to it. The side effects are hard: mouth sores, fatigue, low white blood cells, hemoglobin dropping. The upside has been lower cancer antigens. My CA 27.29 went from 756 in March to 137 a week ago. I have talked about the antigen count before and, while it is not a super accurate account of how cancer is progressing or regressing, big drops are positive.
I did not have any big trips, like my Paris trip last year, but I did surprise my husband with a Violent Femmes concert at the Oregon Zoo to celebrate our 20th anniversary. I also booked a yurt through AirBnB. Staying in a yurt pretty much completes the Portland, OR experience. In about a month, I will be taking my eldest son to his first concert. He has no idea what we are doing. I am very excited about it.
My oldest friend, Mandy, was able to visit me for a few days with her family. We had a blast. I took them to Maryhill Museum and the Maryhill Stonehenge monument. I loved having all of them here.
Max adores Makayla and Meg. Meg taught him all about Snapchat. That is still his favorite thing.
Sam made a new friend. He and Ryder had so much fun together.
I have also managed to get in contact with people who have become important to me. I was able to spend a couple of days with two of them and those days were wonderful. Thank you so much for coming to see me, Peg & Matt. I believe that your visit helped with my current “pretty good” blood work. The white rabbit worked for Friday. I love you both.
I took them on the B Reactor Tour.
My family and friends have helped to build me a dream deck on the front of my house. It is big enough to seat our family for dinner and will be perfect for my yearly Witches’ Tea Party.
I also made the decision to reopen my jewelry store on Etsy. I have missed creating stuff. I have a few commissions going on and I hope to eventually add in some sewing items. I have been slow about adding new pieces to my shop because I am also renovating my hobby room. It is almost finished. I just need to add shelves on the walls and get my work desk cleared off.
Our family also went camping for the first time in years. We managed to stay in North Idaho just before it got too smoky for camping.
We went to Silverwood Park while we were in Idaho.
I went to Sandpoint, ID for the first time.
I guess I have felt more normal lately than I have in a while. I am itching to go on walks again, but our area is so smoky now that even the healthiest person is at risk being outside for long. I may feel more normal, but I am in no way the healthiest person. I can go to the gym for at least the next day or so before my white blood cells tank on me. My eldest will be pleased. We have both missed working out.
This past year has been good in that I have been more physically capable to handle things. It has been hard with the treatment failures. I am still here and I am working on staying here.
Fuck you, cancer.